I have been pretty quiet on social medial these days, and that's not like me. I have been really struggling with my bipolar diagnosis and figuring out what this means to me, me family, my friends.... The lithium I am on with only get me to a certain point and the rest is up to me. My brain needs routine. The one thing I hate. In the last couple of months I have felt like I have been struggling alone. Part of the reason is that there is such a stigma about it, that I don't want people to know what I'm going though. I worry that people wont believe me, or that they wont trust in me. I worry that if the day comes that I need to get a real job, I wont get hired. And I worry that people just don't want to hear it, which is fare. But I guess the main reason I have struggled alone is because I chose to. So from now on, I will be talking about it, if that's ok. I letting my crazy freak flag fly. I will ramble on sometimes, sound like a broken record, I will avoid you and I might annoy you, but I thank you for listening. From the bottom of my heart.
So for my crazy ramble of the day...
I see beauty more than anyone. The stars shine brighter for me.
I feel more love than ten thousand poets. But there is no love for me.
I am ignited by ideas.
So much so that my entire body vibrates with excitement.
I crave all things wild.
I feel all the magic in this universe.
I think too long, I breathe too fast, I try too hard, I cant let go, I want it all.
But this gift comes at a price.
I feel more than anyone.
Love, excitement, creativity, passion, anxiety, sadness....
I feel it harder than anyone.
And on any given day.
I feel them all.